WHY I AM A HINDU

I am happy to describe myself as a believing Hindu, not just it is the faith into which i was born, but for a string of other reasons. One is cultural: as a Hindu I belong to a faith that expresses the ancient genius of my own people. Another is, for lack of a better phase, its intellectual "fit". I am more comfortable with the belief structures of Hinduism than with the other faiths I have known.As a Hindu , I claim adherence to a religion that has no established church or priestly papacy, a religion whose rituals and customs i am free to reject, a religion that does not oblige me to demonstrate my faith by any visible sign,by subsuming to any general collectivity , not even by a specific day or time of worship.

As a Hindu, I subscribe to a creed that is free of the restrictive dogmas of holy writ,that refuses to be shackled to the limitations of a single holy book. Above all, as a Hindu I belong to the only religion that does not claim to be the only true religion.This dogma lies at the core of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism - " I am the way, the Truth and the Life; no man cometh unto the Father , but by me", says Bible; " There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet" says the Kuran. Hinduism. however asserts that all ways of belief are equally valid, and Hindus readily venerate the saints and sacred objects of other faiths. This is why I think I am a Hindu.

Tour Diary

Tourists:
1) A nagging spoilt 24 year old full of complaints about USA and lack of friends. ( that is me)
2) Parul Mehta ( will come to who she is later)

Duration: 5th May – 7th May.

Places Visited: Baltimore, Washington DC.

Prelude: Nobody knows better than me what it is when you come to US without a driver’s license and then get into a situation when you fail to make friends. To add to that the people with whom you stay turn out to be sex- maniacs and above all if you are doing copy paste at work. When all these happen to you know at the same time, you know your life is big time screwed up. And it is then you have no other choice but to wait for a divine intervention.
Reminds me of a crossover Hindi-English cocktail movie released three years back called “Mumbai Matinee”. The plot was something like that the male lead had lost everything in life thrown out of home and was sitting in a bench, when a female journalist had come to interview him. Upon knowing his miseries, she offers him home and shelter in her house. At that point the guy wonders and speaks these famous lines “Either her need for the interview is more worse than my need for a home else she is the kindest soul on planet earth”

Cutting back to my real life, the only difference with me was that I could definitely say that she was the kindest soul I have ever met. And Unlike the movie it was not a hero-heroine story but just about two good friends. That is for you is Parul Mehta.

Now how do I introduce her, well firstly she was my customer during my previous assignment. But then we became good friends. Now shall I call her Parul Didi (elder sister) because she is a little older than me? But I tell her stuff that I would not tell my elder sister. So I call her Parul but respect her as I would to some one elder to me and treat her as if she was my friend of same age. I understand that is confusing enough, but that’s what happens when you stand at the crossroads of two culture. But as a matured adult I understand that amidst all this differences between any two cultures, few things still remain the same. The definition of a good human being always is the same any where in the world. Also emotions like love, affection and respect always is the same with all good human being. So it is open to interpretation on how I am related to Parul and other stuff. My only answer to all such queries and questions would be that she is a good human being and we are good friends. I will always have affection and respect for her and will have happy memories of the wonderful time that I spent with her on the trip.
So here we go.





Day 1: 5th May Friday,

Started from office around 5 in the evening for Parul’s house. Honestly, after a bad day in office, the only thing on my mind was the wonderful sleep that I am going to get on the extra bed in the extra room that she had. (I intend to stress on the word Extra, to avoid any confusion). This would be the second occasion in US apart from my visit to my brother’s house in Boston that I would be sleeping in a bed and not a mattress : D
I think we reached her house after 40 minutes drive and after settling down it was time to look into her computer. I still cannot recollect ever doing any damage to any cd writer in the world or mis-handle any. But somehow the CD writer at her place decided to take some revenge on me and took my reputation as a computer engineer and the air surrounding it that I had built on Parul to dust. After around 2 hours of fighting and then begging with the Drive to start burning CD’s I (we) gave up.
We had Mr n Mrs Iyer played to us to reduce the frustration and also it was another step in my uni- directional zeal to prove to her that Indian Film Industry does come up with quality stuff. Unfortunately my perception that trade unions and protests exists only in India, China and Russia, was proved wrong. Even it existed in USA and amazingly there was a trade union for CD’s, DVD’s and so on. So the CD Writer I think called up an interim meeting of all the devices and they came to a unanimous conclusion that they would not play anything remotely associated with me. So just when we were deeply engrossed in the movie, the DVD player refused to play the rest of the part. We tried at the one upstairs, but they were more faithful to their trade unions than to the owner who had purchased them.
But somehow my mission was accomplished as she liked the movie. So without contemplating too much about the pros and cons of communism and trade union we went upstairs (after having dinner) and then came the best part of the day. Someone making my bed after 5 months. Reminded me of mom who would make my bed while I was in India, when I came late from office. I am spoilt I know but that’s the way it is and I miss those simple pleasures in USA. Anyway, as the stage was set for me to jump into my bed and go to a deep sleep and I obliged humbly. There was just one last caveat from Parul that we had to get ready by 8:30 the next day. I think this was less an FYIP and more a concern she expressed as she knew I wake not before 11 during weekends.

********************* End of day One **************************


Day 2: 6th May Saturday.

There is this strange thing that happens to all of us that when you sleep at someone else’s place you tend to follow all the good habits. So I got up at 7 the next day and was all set by 8 for the journey. We started at around 8:45, got fuel and then stopped at Dunkin Don nuts to get some breakfast. (It is worth to mention was that the outlet was maintained by one of the very few Gujrati-Americans who were not distantly related to Parul.)

After that began a long drive, for about 3 hours, all through which I sat shamelessly enjoying the ride and also striking up conversation while she painstakingly kept driving.
We reached Baltimore around 1 in the afternoon. Parked the car in a street called “Gay Street”. Parul was quick to point out that Gay means happy. I think she had read my overworking mind and decided to put off any unwanted discussion on the word.
We started of by being on top of the highest pentagonal building of the world. The entire city of Baltimore was visible from there. After the regulation snaps and my regulation visit to the restroom we came down. Then we had lunch at a nearby restaurant where we spend less time eating and more time waiting and also Parul browsing through the calorie values of the menu.

After Lunch we had to rush to the National Aquarium of Baltimore. It was quite a fun. I had never seen so many fish before. We also saw sharks and frogs. Also we captured, in our digi cams, two frogs making out (or doing some nasty stuff) : ).

We cut short our aquarium visit, because we had to go to the dolphin show. This was the first time I was witnessing a dolphin show (something for which I will thank Parul forever). The dolphin show was great, except the fact that I wished if only we had sat on the front rows, so that we could get wet.
There was a time during the dolphin show I wished if it was
not a dolphin and a shark and I could throw into its mouth the lady seating just in front of
me in the stairs. As she repeatedly behaved like a pig headed creature refusing to get up
from the stairs even when requested by the security.

The dolphin show will be a memorable thing for me for the rest of my life. After that we
moved on to the Australian wildlife exhibit and the tropical rainforest. The tropical rain
forest was made artificially hot to create the impact. This remembered me the summer in
in India and also raised alarm bells in my head about how do I tackle the heat when I get
get back.

There was this spot on top of the rain-forest where people were posing for snaps.
We also decided to have ours and were waiting for our turn. There were two Indian families who were taking a bit more time than usual to take there snap. When I heard someone say in Hindi “ Arrey Yaar Jaldi Karo” , when I paid attention it was Miss Parul Mehta who was uttering those words. I would never forget the way she said the line ever.
People reading (if at all any) may find it very strange that what makes me laugh when someone named Parul Mehta speaks a phrase in Hindi. To cut a long story short, Parul was born and brought up in US like any other American kid. She has never learnt Hindi and knows a little bit of Gujrati. So when such a thing comes from her, its really an event and I really liked the accent in which she uttered those words.

We finally got out of the place around 5:45 and then came the best part of the day, paddle boats in the harbor. What excited me most about that half an hour was that for the first time it was I who was driving and not she. It was great fun and great exercise too.

After that we had ice-cream and then decided to take a walk around the harbor and take some snaps. It was dinner time by then and we had a task at hand, finding an Indian restaurant to eat (constraint imposed by me). We took a cab to a nearby Indian place called Mehek, had good Indian food and then it was another 60 miles drive to the hotel we were staying in and around DC.
It was a comfortable room with all the amenities and two beds. We quickly changed and both of us fell asleep. Except for one or two words that we exchanged on Chetan Bhagat, Parul’s ex – boyfriend and getting furniture for my new establishment in Pennsylvania. Of course just before going to bed, it was her caveat that we had to wake up at 7 in the morning.
**************************** End of day 2 ********************************
Day 3, 7th May:

The alarm turned out to be disloyal and didn’t sound at 7 but my cell Phone did wake me up and we got ready had breakfast and went on out DC safari.

The first place we visited was the FTR memorial. I think this was the best place I visited in a long time. The quotes inscribed on the walls were really moving. Somehow I felt that my Indian History text book told me that Roosevelt took America to world war, but this place also told me that how he brought America out of depression.
Next was a series of memorial like Jefferson ,Washington, World War II ,Vietnam and Korean war memorial etc. We also went to the Lincon Memorial . Did some shopping,
took some photographs of the Whitehouse. (which I had only seen in the Movie called Independence day) The American History Museum ( am not sure if I got the name correct) was a mixed bag. There were interesting sections and section that were quite depressing (like the one that showed how slaves were treated)

After a small ride in the sub-way ( nothing new for me being from Calcutta except the air –conditioning of the train was better) we headed our way back to New Jersey. We reached home around 7:30 and then had Omelets (which I MADE ) and then I made another futile effort to get the CD writer fixed but all in vain.

Tired and dejected I enjoyed my last sleep on the wonderful bed that was there in her guest room.

In all it was my best weekend till now in US. And I would like to thank Parul for making it.

America: A bird's View.
"I think that 7 weeks in any country , should be a sufficient time to cut across a pre-liminary understanding about a country and its culture. "

This is how i started writing this blog and now i am in USA for around 15 weeks. Infact when i started writing the blog it started with 3 weeks in USA ,then it changed to 4 ,5 and so on. After seven i just gave up. All this can be attributed to my ever changing perception about the country. I came to this country with a biased perception but an open mind (hope that is not a oxymoron). Soon this turned into a unconditional love for this country which within weeks changed and i became a big critique of this country and it kept changing with time. What changed with all this was my blog too. I could have very well put an end to my miseries by taking a diplomatic approach by concluding that every country,for that matter every thing, has its share of black and white. But there was something really bullish in me that was hell bound to make out which is a better place. If not that, i was searching for reasons to prove wrong people who have come to US and haven't given going back a thought. Not that i want to demean them or i don't respect their opinion. Its just that,in my personal opinion ( which may not be always the right one) their decision is not justified. But after 15 weeks i feel like giving up on what i would call a mis guided zeal. But whatever it is, like any successful or unsuccessful venture i too did have my share of observations ,which i would like to jot down. Before i start organizing my thoughts i would like to mention two things, firstly the title for this blog has been borrowed ( inspired) from another blog that i read few days back on the same. Secondly i am going to opt for a more structured form of writing (like bulleted text ,headings) rather than the normal paragraph style thanks to my friend somdatta, who like a true friend said at my face that my writing was un organized ,after reading my last post.

First cut : My first reaction coming before and on landing at Newark International Airport. From up above, its all the same. But the difference becomes visible in quantums as soon as you are close enough to the land to see some details, you see long rows of vehicles moving neatly on roads, which seem to have been etched on the ground with the same order and perfection with which you drew lines and circles with your high school geometry instruments. And they all intersect in orderly junctions, or just go above each other as flyovers. You descend further, and you see the houses. Arranged in clean blocks, all with unifrom sloping roofs. From up above, the city looks as planned as one in a city planning computer game. Cities in India look like those in computer games too, though more like after they have been invaded and ruined by the enemy.

My inferences : Honestly speaking , i was in no shape to keep my head spinning with the sub zero temperatures. But given a more favorable climate i would have inferred - "Congratulations America. So this is what a developed country looks like. I am impressed. May be another 75 years and India will be in the same bracket."

Things that Impressed me :

Cleanliness : I have just fallen in love with the well managed sewage ,sanitation and waste disposal system here. Except for some restrooms in NYC , i found most of the public sanitation arrangements could jolly well be mistaken as any 2 -star hotels back home. I am really impressed to find how people don't litter or throw waste in the highways. I would beg to differ with those who would say at heft fine is the reason for not doing so . I think its more to do with the attitude towards public property and general hygiene have hefty bans back home also but who cares???

My inference: Hats of to the system full marks to them. But at the same time i understand that implementation a system of the same stature back in India is not being inhibited because of will or attitude but because of the population density. Take for example some the restrooms in NYC , somehow a place where i could see 10 people in a group ( very unlikely in US of A) , which are pathetic compared to the general standards in this country. So i would like to believe that when we can get over our resource problems our population crunch we will be able to strive for such excellence.

Courtesy : This is one thing that i will cherish and take back with me when i go back home. The wonderful gesture of courtesy people here show in very simple and small things, right from wishing you to keeping the door open for you or giving way in an elevator etc. I enjoyed imbibing these qualities in me and when i go back home i would love to turn them into a habit. The only thing i am not sure about is that how successful i will be while making way for people in a crowded mumbai local train : D. Similarly here you have offering unsolicited help for taking your snap if you are walking down the lane alone taking snaps of the buildings and other stuffs. I would never try doing that back home simply because if someone does that to me the first thing that will come to my mind is that the person is after my camera. And if i do the same to other i can bet the other person going to think the same.

My inference : All the above is possible only because people have a high happiness quotient here. I am in no way trying to criticize the behavioral trait. All i am doing is assigning a reason for why its possible to be so courtesy. I could not imagine or even expect back home a person struggling up with the day to day basic necessities of life , trying to reach office in haste and then doing such gentlemen like gestures on the way. So i would again say congratulations USA for having the previledge to be a developed country.

Infrastructure & governmental Regulations : I would break away from my till now practice of drawing inferences later. In this regard, i would conclude to the absolute certainty about the ease of life, the high quality infrastructure and how well the government manages the whole system is quintessential of a perfect system. I can atmost attribute India's lack of infrastructure to its late development , but no way i can find an excuse to the corruption back home. ( not even attributable to the poor class over there) . I am sure at some stage corruption does exists over here also , but the plethora of corruption back home really sucks. If at all i can take back something from here, i will take away this system.

Provisions for Handicapped : Another thing that impressed me is the provisions that have been made in most (if not all) places for Physically challenged people. Every parking lot has special handicapped parking. Big retail outlets like Wal - Mart have special moving carts for them to move around and shop without much trouble. I am quite impressed.

My inference : My point is not that India should follow the same ( i would be most happy if they could) but i know its virtually impossible with such a big populations to implement this. But what i am appalled is that why big retail outlets in India who have gone ahead idealizing most of the American concepts have missed such a important thing.

Non -interfering Life style : What attracts me most here is the freedom and independence to do what you want and without having to care for what others think. Yes , what others will think?? This is something that looms over every decision that i make back home, but here no body cares. So i can walk into a ladies store and and look at the most weird ladies dresses without having to think about what others are thinking. I could never do that back in India. In some sense i think this gives scope for much more creativity. i feel good when i see people come into office with an extra pair of clothing, they take break from their work and go for a small jog in between. Some how corporate India is still not ready for this.

My inference: While i agree with all the above and really appreciate the benefits of such a social trait. I still feel people here are quite narscissitic or self centered."I" always takes precedence over "we". Somehow i cannot imagine how i have never spoken with my next door neighbor in my 4 months of stay here. I think this is one area i feel happy with the way things are in India. I am happy to be surrounded by so many people. I enjoy every moments of the get together we have with all my cousins, aunts ,uncle's and neighbor's.

Work Culture: This one things many of us are very fond of or speak highly of about the work culture here i have found this unique but not special. I can term this atmost as one way of approachig for a good work environment and that doesn't make it neither the only way nor the best way. People come to work early and make it a point to leave early.I start my day late and call it a day late. Does that make a difference. As long as both of us are working close to 8 hours a day and are leading a healthy personal life ,its ok to take any one of the approach.But there is a hidden agenda in the former working hours which i appreciate and that is here both the parents share an equal responsibility in raising up the kids unlike india.

My inference : As we progress and with more and more women in India switching from becoming housewife's to working women we will also have to adopt such an working environment.But i still stuck to my point that none of the two models can be called superior to other.As far as office politics and rat race is concerned that exists as much here as back home. The only difference might be , we have a fierce competition back home due to resource crunch.

Public Library System : No two ways about it that this is something that is magnificent. If i complete all literary works of Bernaud Shaw, it will be courtesy this system.

Things that leaves scope for improvement!!

Gratuities : I had heard long before i came here that in US ,you have to pay gratuities for everything.What amuses me is that if i browse through the pages of the oxford dicitionary and search for the meaning of the word i see the following definition "A favor or gift, usually in the form of money, given in return for service." I find it very strange as all my childhood i have been brought up with the concept that you should not accept any monetary favors from any one. In India we usually tip a person whom we think is less priveledged and needs help. I cannot understand that in a country like USA ,where every body is a manager( not worker) and labour costs are so high that even a simple mechanic charges at 65$ per hour ( must mention i am billed as at 75$/hr) why do restaurants and other places have a column for gratuities in their cash memo's. I have been told that the concept of gratuities started coz the State found that workers in restaurants and other places are not paid properly. Here in lies the catch, if USA with such a small population and huge resource cannot ensure non polarization of wealth ,then that's i feel disappointed.

Average Intelligence and Technology dependence : We always had a perception that India has the best brains and people here are if i may put diplomatically have some catching up to do in terms of intelligence. I would say that its partly true and partly false. I found the people who make key decisions or the so called managers here extremely intelligent and have the correct instinct.That is one of the main reasons why America has progressed a lot. But what really sucks is the lack of common sense amongst the IT personnel here. Sometimes specialization and compartmentalize of knowledge helps in smooth workflow. But once you overdo it ,it becomes bottleneck. Thats exactly the problem with IT industry in America. People usually are scared to think out of the box or be innovative or may be too much dependent on technology. But having said this, all of these is compensated by the extremly efficient decision makers that this country has.

Primary Education : The Point here is not how good with regards to infrastructure the primary education is. But i have serious apprehensions about its efficiency. I believe the course and curriculam may be easy and lucid for the students but definitely doesnt make out intelligent kids. In contrast to that the secondary education here is just too good with places like harvard,Mit etc.

Things on which i am neutral or confused.

I am Good: This is one phrase i practice everyday while starting from my office as i used to learn my mathematical tables in junior school. But unlike School , i screw up every day . Whenever the first person asks me " How are You" ( and remember in USA you don't need to be aquainted with the person to ask him this) . I either end up mumbling and saying I am good else i calmly say I am fine. I am extremly confused why people would say i am good and not i am fine. I have no issues with the former ,but its just that i get a bit confused at the end.

Honesty:
People say that American's are honest. I would say neither American's nor britishers nor Indian's for that any country are honest. It is people who are honest . Its people who are good or bad and it has nothing to do with which country you belong. Some one said that in America unlike india you don't have to bother about the meter or charges when you get onto a taxi. I couldn't disagree but at the same time i also cannot compare the lifestyle and socio-economic status of a cab driver in US with one in the streets of mumbai. And just as an FYI , a chunk of new jersey taxi drivers are either from India , B'desh or Pakistan. They behave in the same way as the american counterparts. Credit Cards: While the US credit history is a very efficient and secure system what amuses me is the over stretched focus on credit history. Whats even more irritating , that in order to have a credit history you need a credit card and in order to obtain a credit card you need a credit history. i found the egg or chicken puzzle more easy to solve than that.

Last but not the least and infact the most important and something my mother is most concerned about and every time i call she subtly tries to know if i am dating a blonde or not. But the point is big, back home there is a huge perception and i would say mis conception about all the nasty things (sex) happens here. Infact, all my mails that i have recieved from most of my friends back home, the only querry was " Did you do it". Some of them have come here recently and realised that its not what is shown in bollywood movies.

But at the same time i would be naive if i say that nothing happens here. I would like to believe that sexual freedom here is much more. The only thing that i am not sure whether its good or bad. Because i feel i am not the correct person to pass a judgement on this as i will start always start at a biased point of view. Simply because my answer to the "did you do it" questions remains No because that's the way i have been born and brought up with. Thats what is embibed in me and not a decision i have come to on my own. So i would keep this issue as open to personal preferance. But the point is that there is a huge mis conception on this issue back home. America can be as good as posh mumbai and also can get as dirty as mumbai. Its again more to do with how you are brought up and what you see around you. Nothing to do with whats right or whats wrong. But just to put an FYI, i don't know how many of us know but prostitution is legally banned in US but constitutionally approved in India. Strange it may sound but thats the truth.

I think for a person who has been here for 15 weeks ,this is a more than enough understanding i had. There are many areas where i may be wrong ,or may be i will change my idea after a few days ,but this is what i feel precisely at this moment of time.
There is one thing that is sure is that whenever i go back home i will take back lots of interesting experiences and lots of good things from this country. But again at the end of all this , Home is where it was. India has a lot of problems and probably i wont enjoy all the comforts and luxury that i enjoy here, but somehow its still my country and i am what i am.

P.S The blog title has been hired/stollen/borrowed/inspired ( Pick what ever u want) from a friends blog.

Life is a full Circle.

I guess we use this phrase,quite often to express our dissatisfaction from life.I too have done so many a times during moments of despair and frustration. For the majority of people this is more like a cliche.But there are a few who have been hit so hard by troughs of life that they kind of start identifying with this phrase. I heard the phrase from two such people yesterday. One a successful IIM grad ,well placed in corporate life,but pissed off with the rat race and another an old friend coming to terms with the agony of a break off. Though the later didn't use the exact phrase but she meant something very similar.

My heart goes out to both of them,especially the later one as I care for the immense talent and skills this lady has and all that is going to waste.I also feel sad for them because they are my friends.I don't write my posts with the expectation of someone reading it. I get pleasure in gathering my thoughts this way.But for a change i wish that the two concerned persons above should read this one and if at all i can make some difference to how they think.

Since both these morons are hell bent on the life being a circle. Let me talk about some circles in life. I believe to keep things simple and uncomplicated. For me life is all about two circles. One the Circle of Influence and another the Circle of Concern. These are the two concentric circles and with the circle of concern encapsulating the circle of influence. The circle of concern is the set of all problems ,dilemmas , challenges that we face in life.All the reasons of pain and despair resides here. On the other hand the circle of Influence deals with the sub set of all the above mentioned causes to which we can directly make an impact or issues on which we have our direct control.

I wish the people understand this that all of us will be better served if we try to ignore the existence of the circle of Concern and put all their effort to resolve all the issues that are there in our cirlce of Influence. Also i believe that in order to get things going in the circle of influence, we have to look forward to a fresh ,happy and healthy life without any baggages of past.

I am neither an atheist nor a great believer in religion,but i always believe that to be born as human beings is the greatest gift God has given to us and biggest homage paid to him would be to live the life he has given to the fullest.

Sometimes we stretch things beyond rationale and blame the almighty for all our miseries. If not that then we surrender infront of the challenges life and put up an excuse that may be this is what he wanted. Let me assure you , all of us are equal children of his. He has no role to play in neither our success nor failures. He has given us a level playing field and its upto us on how we charter our course ahead.

I would like to end with one incident that is quintessential of the essence of life that i am talking about. Arthur Ashe was in his death bed, and millions of countrymen used to pray for his well being.He used to receive thousands of mails everyday.

One such letter from a young girl said " Why of all did God had to choose you (suffer from Aids)". Below is Arthur Ashe's reply to this.( i am not sure of the figures he gave, i read this piece long time back)

There are arround 50000 people in USA.

Out of which 5000 are kids who play tennis.

Of which 500 play professional tennis.

Of which 50 play at a GrandSlam of which 4 reach the semi-final, 2 the final and

1 is the winner.

So when i was at the centre court holding the winners trophy in hand , i never asked God why me? So why should i ask now.

Hope

I checked up the Oxford dictionary and the word " hope" has the following meanings.

1) To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

2) To look forward to with confidence or expectation.

I go more with the second one. The questions is that if hope is to look forward with confidence and expectation then can i say i hope for a better future of India. Both confidence and expectations about any phenomenon or process comes from how the thing under question has performed during your interaction with it. As a software engineer i have confidence and expectations from a system if it has a good response time, it gives correct results and it is robust.

But here we are talking about a far more intangible thing ,that is our country. It is very difficult to quantify parameters when u talk about things like nation ,character etc.

I am trying to make an assessment of India as a nation based on a few incidents that i had while dealing with my fellow country men. There are so many incidents in 24 years of my life , but these are the few that will always be in mind.

The first one dates around five years back, i remember its was the same morning when the WTC crashed, well i had a bigger disaster in my life the same day as my father passed away at the Calcutta medical college. Well, this was all at the back of 6 months of illness and 3 weeks of coma. Till today i have not been able to understand the dichotomy in my thoughts after i heard the news that day. At one hand there was a great sense of relief that he got relief from all the pains but again at the other hand there was this deep grief of losing some one close. With all these dilemmas in mind i reached the hospital where loads of my relatives had already gathered. I didn't have to bother about anything as elders took over all the arrangements.

Suddenly i was escorted to the hospital office because i had to do some paper work to get my dad's death body released. All this while i was in a kind of awe or shock blindly following what i was asked to do. I vaguely remember the officer or chaprasi there was a middle aged gentleman in his mid thirties . He asked me some stupid and weird questions and i kept on replying patiently to all of them. Under normal circumstances i would have blasted him out but the time and situation demanded me to keep quite. At the end of all these he said that he is not satisfied with my identity and so couldn't release my dad's body.

Well , enter my uncle , took me out of the room , then went inside and i could see both of them coming out of room in 5 mins laughing. I guessed that my uncle had to bribe that man. Any things got sorted and rest followed.

The incident left a deep impact on me. Not that i was too worked up seeing someone accepting such favors or so, its just because the time and the situation. Here was a boy who was 19 and lost his father and her was a man who was 38 and taking advantage of the situation and making money for something which he is paid to do.

My second such experience is slightly less serious than the first one and is a bit hilarious also.

This is also a recent one. This time i was on the wrong side of WB police. I was summoned to the Police station as a part of the routine police verification for getting my Indian Passport.

I had previously had a verification just out of school when i was about to join the National Defense Academy. At that time i was under the strict instruction of my parents that if the DIO is asking anything weird then just hand over two 100 Rs note and say "Sir apnake Mishti khete dilam" (which in bengali means Sir this is to buy sweets for u). This time since i was working and more independent i decided to be a bit more adventurous. But as they say listen to what your parents say , i didn't and so had a incomplete report sent by the DIO.

Somehow i took this as a challenge, there were many who suggested me that "yaar panchso rupaiye ke liye kya kar raha hain ",meaning why are you so bothered about 500 bucks ( i forgot mentioning in five years their rate had increased from 200 to 500), but i said to myself that i would see to the end of it. After all i was trying to get a document that only proves that i am a citizen of India. I kept going round the offices for 6 months and one fine day i found one DIG of calcutta police who happened to be one of my classmates uncle..... He listened to all my stories, expressed his sympathies told that he will make a call and then my passport will be done in minutes. I was really happy ,but my happiness was cut short when he also told me in a tone of elderly advice ,why did you go through all the mess after all its just 500 bucks.

Somehow for a moment i felt all my spirits dampened, i mean here was DIG who was saying such a thing. I immediately went to the DIB office next day , paid 500 bucks and got my passport in had within seven days...

When i think of the above to incidents and many more like this i find that i am in the same boat as many other of my countrymen. It makes me very weak and insecure about the future of my nation. I makes a mockery of my definition of hope for India.

So i close my eyes and look for some peace.... and then i see the smiling face of this dark, athletic ,big mustached guy in his lungi rowing his boat. I remember we had gone in a big group to the Poowar backwaters in the Kerala. It was a hot afternoon and the sun was scorching. We saw this guy drained in sweat rowing his boat in the backwaters. He was a fisherman i guess. I can assure you handrowing a boat is a very difficult job ( have tried it once or twice). I think this guy was busy in his work and didn't pay any attention to us. Some of the ladies in our group requested him to take them for a small ride across. We warned them that he would ask for a hefty amount at the end. To our surprise he didn't ask for any. We thought this one was a big game player. He then took turns and took most of us for a ride. We were sure now that he would ask for something now. Infact we were also keen to give some to the guy,after he had been good to us. But as it turned out he didn't ask for any and even declined to accept the unsolicited amount that we offered. I can assure you we did offer a big amount , much bigger that what i had to pay the police officer. He didn't know hindi, so he didn't speak much except kept smiling.

We waived him good bye and he kept smiling.

I still remember the smiling face. Whenever i am down or whenever i feel let down by something i remember that face and i feel a kind of calm inside. The point is not that he didn't accept the money, the point is that in days when we software engineers don't even take calls from our residence whenever there is a slight load of work ,this guy who was quite less fortunate and less priviledged than us took immense pleasure in giving us some joy even in the midst of his own work.

When i think of all the three incidents together i get even more confused. I mean what is hope ??? Is there hope??

Then i look at the third dictionary meaning of the word "Hope" and i find my answers.

Its says "The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help. "

All it means is that there are millions of bad things around but our hope lies in the search for the few good things that we have and taking them forward.

15 PARK AVENUE.

Yes thats the name of the latest Aparna Sen directorial venture. The cast well mostly repeat of Mr n Mrs Iyer team, with addition of few big bollywood biggies like Shabana Azmi and Waheeda Rahman.
The film deals with the dilemmas of a Schezophenic patient , the trauma that she and her familiy goes and also very delicately address the various strands of human relations.
These days when big productions houses are spending crores of rupees for shooting in Australia, Switzerland or Malaysia, Aparna has very cleverly choosen the unventured frontiers of Bhutan. Nothing unusual from a trend setting director like her.
The camera work has been done aesthetically even during some of the intimate scenes between a married couple. I wonder if films like Neal N Nikki should take a leaf out of Aparna's style of film making.
On the performance front, Rahul Bose is his usual best, KonKona sen Sharma gives another powerful performance after Mr n Mrs Iyer. Same goes for Shabana Azmi.Waheeda Rehman is a big let off, probably the script didn't have much for her.

For pessimists the film may seem to be a take off from the Oscar winner Beautiful Mind. I would say the film is at best inspired from the theme of Beautiful Mind. Beautiful Mind is based on a true story and also made larger than life on the screen whereas 15 Park Avenue is an attempt by the director to catch the imagination of the audience with lot of food for thought.
The climax of the movie has been made an anticlimax intentionally by the director in an attempt to make shake the mind of the viewers.

In all a movie for the classes. On top of my recomendations. Must watch.

Well i really wanted to discuss Saurav Ganguly for a long time with ppl, but the problem was that it is very difficult to find a rational supporter of Saurav who dare to think beyond the obvious (like tcs) and fail to rise from being a bengali to being an Indian.
But since Mr Gupta,who happens to be coleague cum ex - classmate, is a person whom i have known to have always kept his ear open for logical views, i tght that i should jot down some thoughts after recieving an email from him about Mr Ganguly and his great deeds. Sometimes i wonder why Sourav is always linked with an email. May it be from My great Friend Dipanjan Gupta or from the ordinary Greg Chappell.

This post is also somewhat to convince my own self about my view on saurav.
Well i think this would be a long post , so my sincere appologies to all if it seems boring.
When Saurav Ganguly burst into the international areana in 1996 if i am correct at lords.Like every Indian i was really happy and that he was a Bengali, was just icing on the cake.
A few matches down the lane, may be arround 20 -30 odi's and 10 test, should be good enough for you to pass a verdict on a player. What came accross to me was that saurav was a good hand eye co-ordination player , but lacked sound technique and agility ,some thing that Gundappa Viswanath, Rahul Dravid,Sunil Gavaskar had. I have intentionally left Sachin Tendulkar's name from the list. Since it has been a habit whenever we talk about Saurav we drag Sachin and make comparision. I may refer to sachin sometime later. From then my idea about saurav Ganguli has always been of a Great One day player. But only a good test match player not a great one. That Saurav Ganguly is a more than good captain adds another dimension to his repotire.
The tremendous courage that Saurav Ganguly showed at Lord's by scoring a century on debut should be a lesson for youngsters about discipline and dedication. I appreciate that from the core of my heart.

My problem is not much with Saurav Ganguly but moreto do with the blind supporters of his and the concept of the pride of Bengal attached to him. I thought that i would rather jot down my ideas one by one so that they are organized in a better way.


1) First of all, we would never acknowledge any of Saurav's bad performance. I think we live in a highly competitive world.No body is acknowleged here for non performance (except our politicians) in any field of life. When Swades flopped no body cared whether it was sharukh or any new comer. You dont perform and that should be it. I know its harsh but thats the way it isand once it is so for the rest of fields , it should not be any different for cricket.The point i am making is that people should not choose past performance as a criterion for present selection. Also people dont give you a graceful exit , one has to command that and take it on his own.


2) We would always compare Saurav with Sachin. People should realise that Sachin is a maestro. 35 centuries in Test cricket doesn't come as a joke. To add to that 18 years in International cricket without a single media controversy. If at all any body should be a role model then its him.I dont forsee a 16 year old saurav getting hit by a waqar bouncer and blood spitting from nose and still refusing to leave the field. Also most of the time to cover up Saurav's miseries, we would point our fingers on other people's deficiencies, like Sachin cannot play under pressure,Virender Sehwag is also failing with the bat.Its like a little kid failing in his exam and when asked for an explanation will say "well everyone else also failed".

3) Another logic for including saurav is that he is a great captain. People forget that , a captain is a player first then a captain. Saurav Ganguli's recent performance in both forms of the game doesn't make him eligible for the team as a player. so shall we take him only bcos he is a good captain. Also is Indian cricket has such a dull future that we don't have alternative captain in a country of one billion...

4) We talk that he has brought aggression in the team, i think ppl forget that the actual killer spirit was brought by John Wright. What saurav ganguli has brought is only indiscipline.If swearing at others is aggression and makes a good player, then i guess the great west indian fast bowlers would have never exsisted or Andre Nel would have been a better bowler than Shaun Pollock. Taking off his shirt at Lord's is not something i find has a place in the Gentleman's game.People say Saurav has been instrumental in the rise of players like Yuvraj,kaif and harbhajan... But at the same time we forget dumping of players like Sanjay Bangar, Aakash Chopra, Sarandeep Singh.

People talk about saurav's glorious victories , just take out two men out from those scorecards Rahul Dravid and VVS Laxman and then see at the record.....

5) Whats appaulling are the columns written by the so called connossiers of cricket (Gopal Basu, Sambaran Banerjee). What happened at eden gardens ,during the recent one day international between India and SA, was pathetic , I felt ashamed to be a bengali and sitting at the eden gardens and see Rahul Dravid booed.
People questioning the integrity of a player like Dravid is pathetic and sucks.. 90% of Saurav's victories are attributed single handedly to him....
Dravid has got the captaincy job not by default , but because he is a good captain....He is as aggressive than any body on field... Just because he doesn't swear or takes of his shirt doesnt proove he is meek....

Lastly a word about Greg chappell. I dont knw how many of you ppl have seen his footages of a player....I have had the good fortune of watching his recordings.... His technique is something , that only Geoff Boycott would match.He is the best thing to happen for Indian cricket....
People accuse his of being anti sourav..I would like to make them remember , that it was Chappel who was instrumental in the 144 that saurav made at Brisbane , that century saved his career both as a player and captain....
And now also what did chappel do wrong. He had only advised saurav to quit because of his performance.... He didnt go to the media , It was Saurav who spoke to the media abt what was discussed in the dressing room. That chappell's email was leaked was not his fault...As a coach he was doing the job he was paid to do, reporting to the management what went wrong...

I think most of the players in the modern world are Hand Eye co -ordination players , Like VVS Laxman,Saurav,Sehwag,Jaysuriya.There a very few technically brilliant batsmen like Sachin, Rahul,Mark Waugh, Aravinda di silva or Saeed Anwar...
Hand eye co -ordination players have a specfic playing span and i believe saurav is over it... This is true for sachin also, whatever sachin is playing today is purely because of his technical brilliance...He has also lost is hand eye co-ordination so we dont see the flamboyant sachin anymore....

I am a Bengali at heart and a proud one , but i am also an Indian . As John F Kennedy once said,
I am a free man,then an American,then a democrat blab blab.... Same is true for me, I am a free man, then an Indian and finally a Bengali...

I cannot how a bandh in calcutta can change saurav's fortune and take him back to the team..
If so called hooligans claim to be correct on the grounds that Saurav Ganguly has been hard done as a citizen of India by the BCCI... Then i just wonder, why there are no protests about the exclusion of Zaheer Khan ,who dismissed Ganguly twice for duck in the Ranji matches, took 25 wickets in 3 ranji encounters and yet was dropped so as to accomodate Saurav in the team..

One of my friends once told me that we have to support saurav as a bengali because outside bengal as Bengali's are recognized as Bengali's first and Indians later...
I couldn't disagree with him...But at the same time i feel two incorrect things never make a correct thing.. So i feel ,i would rather stick to my anti -linguistic idea than be a chauvinistic Bengali....

After all this, i still hope as an Indian and ofcourse as a Bengali, that Saurav Ganguli re deems his lost form and India doesn't loose a good player soon...